@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

lady_scarecrow

@[email protected]

Trans woman and amateur writer.

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lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

This is the last poem I wanted to share here.

I'd like to thank you all for reading, and I sincerely appreciate all of your kind comments. I'm glad to know my poems resonated with so many people -- that's why I wanted to share them here, in the first place.

The only thing I still have to share is a short novel I wrote, that I mentioned in an earlier comment, but it's still being reviewed. Who knows how long it will take. And of course, I know I'll keep writing -- but inspiration is fickle and hard to come by. I may come back with something else in the future.

Thanks again!

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Thank you!

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

<3

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

You've commented on some of the previous ones too, right? Thank you, I really appreciate it.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I managed to get myself into a pretty ridiculous problem.

I wrote a short novel that I wanted to share on here (since it has plenty of trans characters), but there's no way to upload a PDF to Lemmy, and I don't want to use google drive or anything of that sort because of the privacy implications.
Well, no big deal, I told myself, I can just upload it into that transreads.org site someone linked the other day. But I wrote it under a pen name, without any mention to this username, and the upload process is completely anonymous, so now I have no way to prove I wrote my own book.

At least the book is still being reviewed, so it's not been released yet and there shouldn't be any other mentions to it anywhere else. So for the record, the book is titled "The witches of Galree" and the pen name I used is Emily Mathison Lovelace. Hopefully that will be enough to prove I'm really the author when the reviewing is over.

Also, if anyone knows a way to share this PDF here, please let me know.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

My female friends accepted me as one of them immediately, no questions asked. Nowadays I'd say anything less than that is disrespectful, but back then it meant the world to me.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I remember you shared the letter here. I'm glad to know her initial reaction was good. Things won't always go smoothly between you, but as long as she's trying to understand and support you, it'll be alright. Good luck on your journey!

lady_scarecrow OP , (edited )
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I did, and he turned me down. We're still good friends to this day though, so it wasn't a bad ending either.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
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Also, the fact that I went "I wonder what would happen if I were a girl" instead of "I wonder what would happen if he wasn't straight" is quite telling

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

?

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Oh, I see! Thank you

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I haven't done electrolysis myself, only laser, but as far as I know, with electrolysis you have to run a needle through each hair individually, while laser can cover a large area at once. I've heard many people do laser first to massively reduce the amount of hair per area, then electrolysis to kill off the few remaining hairs.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

There's still some progress to be had and things I'd like to work on, but I'm so, so much better off now than when I started, both physically and mentally, it's honestly unreal

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

A manga called Love me for who I am.

The main character is non-binary but presents in a feminine way, and they're recruited by a classmate to work on a maid cafe. The story is very sincere, and shows many of the struggles we face.
I've read it pretty early on my transition and related hard to many of the characters. On that note, there's so many colors of the rainbow in there -- trans women, cross-dressing cis guys, gay guys, a lesbian woman, and of course the non-binary protagonist. It's a great story.

lady_scarecrow ,
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I wonder why you picked that username

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

It's been a while since I've read it so I don't remember that school festival thing. I do remember the story becomes a lot more serious towards the end, with Mogumo's family and all, but I like it that way. There were problems Mogumo was running from that had to be solved before one could say the story was finished.

lady_scarecrow ,
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Thanks for linking that transreads.org site, it seems very interesting.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
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Actually, I've written this many years ago. This is pretty good advice though.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
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I wasn't expecting to get a poem back! And it's a really good one too. Thank you <3

lady_scarecrow OP ,
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Thank you! To be honest, I'm a bit surprised that a guy would like this poem, though.

lady_scarecrow , (edited )
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Alright, listen.

I understand you're considering starting HRT, and that's a big decision, so it's only natural you have fears and doubts. It's also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.

You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like -- what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.

That feeling doesn't exist.

I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I've ever done -- but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.

Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you're trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can't act on their feelings until they're 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn't.

Mind you, I'm not telling you to start right away either -- it's perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I'm not even telling you to start at all. You're the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It's a frustrating answer, I know, but it's the only honest one I can give you.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I'm honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don't let them paralyze you.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

This is pretty good. I do have a few suggestions, but of course, these are only suggestions -- it's your letter, and your mom, after all.

First, I understand that you kept the masculine form of words because you don't want to overwhelm your mom, right? I definitely understand that, but I think it sends a dubious message as well. You're saying you're trans, but you're still referring to yourself with male terms. That could certainly backfire -- at worst, your mom could infer that deep down, you don't really see yourself as a woman after all. Have you considered switching halfway from masculine to feminine words instead? For example, from the "I'm pretty sure I'm transgender" point onward. That really drives the point home of "you've known me as a man up until now, but from now on I want you to treat me as a woman".

Also, at some point you say "I don't know what you've heard about trans people" which leads me to think she might have some misconceptions and prejudice. Many people associate being trans with "moral degradation", so at worst, she might think of your coming out as a sign that you're going to start using drugs and whatnot... It might be a good idea to emphasize that you're still the same person as always, only your gender isn't what they thought.

Having said all that, I hope it goes well for you.

lady_scarecrow ,
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That works too.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Thank you. When I wrote this poem, I did it out of frustration because everyone was asking me to be something I wasn’t. Much like you, I was still figuring things out. Nowadays I have a much clearer view – not only of who I am, but also of gender as a whole. I absolutely agree with you, gender roles are oppressive and absurd. I believe they should be abolished. Gender identity, on the other hand, is innate to us all, even if most people (i.e. cis people) don’t even realize they have one. But cis or trans, AMAB people should be allowed to wear dresses and paint their nails if they want to. Navigating this needlessly cruel and restrictive system is hard to us all.

Anyways, good luck to you, and stay safe.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I don’t see anything indented on yours though? I do on the one you replied to.

lady_scarecrow ,
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I wish I could be the chaos activist but my bed is soooo comfy

lady_scarecrow ,
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Absolutely. Before starting HRT I felt constantly frustrated about… something. There was some deeply rooted resentment in me and I didn’t know what it was about. And yet, people would constantly tell me how I was so “calm”. I’m sure that was just me not caring about anything.

Finding out I’m trans did help with some of that, to some extent. But only when I started HRT did these things really vanish. I just feel normal now. Like this is what it should’ve been from the beginning.

lady_scarecrow OP , (edited )
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Thank you! This is one of the many poems I’ve written throughout my transition, I knew others would relate. Most poems will go to Transfem instead, like the one I posted the other day, but this one didn’t have anything gender-specific so I figured I could post it here.

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

<3

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I feel that I should preface this by warning questioning people that looking for signs is generally not a good way to find out if you’re trans. Different people experience being trans in different ways.

Having said that… There were so many signs. Daydreaming about being a girl. Being uncomfortable about being shirtless in public. Feeling a deep admiration for women. Nearly only relating to female characters. Never falling in love for gay men despite being attracted to men.

I remember when I was playing the sims. I made a female character and the game was so much fun. Then after my sim died, I decided to make a male character, and suddenly I lost interest in the game. It was the exact same game, but being a woman just seemed so much more fun… I should’ve known.

lady_scarecrow ,
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Feel free to do that.

lady_scarecrow ,
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As I see it at least, the one thing that actually matters is finding out if you’d be happier living as a different gender than the one you currently live as.

I put that disclaimer there because I’ve seen many posts from people saying they think they might be trans, “but I didn’t have any childhood signs”, “but I don’t see myself as [insert gender here]”, “but I don’t have dysphoria” (very often they do, they just fail to recognize it as such). My sibling in Christ, none of that matters. If you know you’d rather live as a different gender than the one you’re living as, just do it.

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Now I have two songs stuck in my head.

By the way, how’d you get your pronouns to show up next to your username like that?

lady_scarecrow ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

It works! Thanks man

lady_scarecrow OP ,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I really appreciate your comment. I know the beginning of this process is scary and sometimes overwhelming, but you’ve already taken the first step. Good luck on your journey!

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