@cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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cowboycrustation

@[email protected]

King of all crustations. Lord of all cowboys. Brother to all the transes.

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cowboycrustation,
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I love you American healthcare system thank you for making everyone broke and in debt for basic medical care and lining the hospital CEO’s pockets thank you insurance companies for price gouging and lobbying Congress thank you for this 100% fair and ethical system that I’m forced to navigate 😍🥰🤗

cowboycrustation,
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I love having to spend insane amounts of money to be able to exist in my body without wanting to die

cowboycrustation,
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Does anybody know why this is the way it is? It sounds absolutely insane to me.

cowboycrustation, (edited )
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I’m under my mom’s insurance and her work pays for it out of her paycheck. It also includes dental. I’ve got two other siblings under the same plan. Money is tight.

I finally started HRT(!) but I have a question about applying patches (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

I have finally started HRT and applied the first patch yesterday evening but I’m wondering if the place and how I’ve applied is good enough/fine like this? Just want to make sure I’ve done everything right and don’t want to find out in 3 months that I’ve been screwing this up the whole time.

cowboycrustation,
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I remember telling my sister when I was around nine “I wish I was the son he never had” (referring to my dad). She scoffed and said that was a stupid thing to say. Little did we know…

She is very supportive of me nowadays. We were kids then and she didn’t know any better. I got pretty lucky in the sister game.

cowboycrustation, (edited )
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Haha, I walked around shirtless in the house a lot when I was 12-15. Mama would constantly be on my case about it but it was hot outside and it felt good to be shirtless, made me feel masculine (though obviously it’s not an inherently masculine thing, just made me specifically feel that way). I was completely unaware that I had boobs. They felt entirely disconnected from my body, like some foreign parasite that was stuck on my chest. Never had much feeling in them since they never felt like a part of my body. Every time I saw them in the mirror my brain would be like “error error wtf is that those aren’t supposed to be there”

Eventually I became aware of them and that people wouldn’t think I was a man with them, so I started binding as much as possible at around fifteen. Taking rest days from binding is extremely hard and I don’t do it as much as I should. After I get top surgery I’m going shirtless as much as humanly possible. Being shirtless is incredibly underrated.

cowboycrustation,
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I remember I went to school mental health counseling sessions in 7th grade (Christian private school. Yuck.) and the counselor asked me “do you wish that you were born as a different gender?” (I have no idea how that even came up) And I replied “uhhhh I don’t care, I wouldn’t mind either” trying to play it cool and in my head I was like “holy shit I want to be a boy” but immeditely felt this weird shame and fear about it.

cowboycrustation,
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My uncle died of pancreatic cancer last summer, and I was pretty close to him. He was like my surrogate father after my real one died when I was ten. I’d been wanting to tell him for a long time and didn’t know how he’d react but eventually…I just didn’t. I decided that deep down in his heart he knew that I was different and still loved me, even if I never told him and he probably wouldn’t understand it fully. He was dying anyway so I figured it wouldn’t do much good to tell him since he’d be gone. I’ll never know what would have happened had I told him and how he’d react, but my last words to him were “I love you” and I am at peace with that. I still haven’t processed his death fully, honestly. Grieving comes when it comes and sometimes it goes away for a while and comes back in full force. It shows up in strange, unrecognizable ways. I used to draw and paint a lot and I just…stopped after his death. I don’t know why.

But anyway…I don’t have good advice for you. You just have to accept it. Stand by a creek, let the wind blow through your hair. Have the pain in your heart, carry that weight, then get stronger and more able to carry it and let go. There’s no easy answers in situations like this. Cancer sucks. I hate cancer. I wish cancer was eradicated from the face of this planet. It’s gonna suck. But you’ll get through it. It’ll be hard. But you’ll keep going and eventually it won’t be quite as bad. You’ll find a way to come to terms with it in your own way and when you’re ready.

Aaaauugghhhhh, fuuck.

My whole life has been building up to this moment… everyone has always told me not to look at the Sun during an eclipse… teachers, parents, television, newspapers, the government… and now that is exactly THE ONLY THING I want to fucking do today… …I just want to take a quick peek at the sun!! holy shit it is taking...

cowboycrustation,
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I went to a funeral and the exact moment it started was when the eclipse was at its peak

cowboycrustation,
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So true. “Body alchemy” is the perfect word to describe being transgender.

cowboycrustation,
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I am very happy for you and your son. Wish y’all all the best and thanks for sharing.

cowboycrustation,
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Where’d you come from where’d you go where’d you come from cotton eyed joe

cowboycrustation,
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Added it to my display name. It’s not a special flair. You should be able to go into settings on the site and click on profile and change it there.

cowboycrustation,
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👍

cowboycrustation,
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Your story

cowboycrustation,
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That’s a good idea

cowboycrustation,
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Honestly it’s not much of a problem to me. I mentioned it not because I’m annoyed at the transfem people, but annoyed at the lack of transmasculine people. I have gotten some genuinely helpful answers from transfems on there. I’m hoping to try and recruit some more transmascs from other platforms onto here and post more on the community.

P.s. Are you interested in helping me mod FTM? Could really use another transmasc mod

cowboycrustation,
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Dang it…I accidentally deleted my comment. Anyway I was saying that I think age plays a role in irl queer spaces. I notice a lot of younger transmasculine folks in society and trans spaces than older (though part of that is a bias in the ones that are visibly trans and not, and older ones are less likely to be as visibly trans). Maybe there’s more transmasculine gen zers or transmasculine gen zers feel able to be more open about their transness. I personally have met many more transmasc than transfem people irl, but every single one of them was gen z.

As somebody else mentioned, it’s relatively easy to be stealth as a trans man especially once on T. Also I have heard a lot of transmasculine people, especially binary trans men who pass and especially straight binary trans men who pass say that many irl queer spaces are unwelcoming or outright hostile to them because of a general distrust of men and masculinity. Not sure if that would apply to online queer spaces, tho.

And you’re right, there is the isolating aspect of being a trans man. Being treated as a man by society is lonely. You’re expected to be stoic and tough stuff out. Friendships between men are a lot less focused on emotional support than between women. Obviously, this will not always be true but it’s something I’ve noticed.

cowboycrustation,
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Hello fellow trans man 👋. Always good to see another on here.

cowboycrustation,
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You bring some good points, and I agree with most everything but the fragility of womanhood. There is a much greater tolerance for gender variance in women than men. You don’t have to worry about “looking gay” or “being a sissy” as much as you do as a dude. Now, given this is toxic masculinity and it’s not healthy at all, but it is a common thing to come across in this day and age (at least where I’m from).

I had to fight tooth and nail just to be seen as a lesbian before I knew trans people existed and that I was one. I wanted people to acknowledge my queerness so badly and it felt like no one would take me seriously and would always say “it’s just a phase.” That is to say, while gender is often violently enforced for people coming into feminity, people trying to leave it are often infantalized and not taken seriously because of it. Part of it too is cultural. Here in the deep south, there’s a lot of machismo and toxic masculinity and finding someone who deviates from that is much harder to find than for women. You’re right that it’s much more stigmatized for AMABs to be queer. My point is that I think there’s equal fragility for each gender but in different ways.

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