can you help me formulate an answer to a colleague who is not my boss but feels entitled to tell me how I have to work?

the colleague in question feels that only her way of doing things is the right one and expects me to adapt to her way of thinking and her logic. This is tiring and burdensome because I have to force me to stop doing things automatically and efficiently, but think how she wants it done and do it her way. I work worse when this happens.

There are several ways to reach the same goal and I always adapt according to the situation at hand. I do what feels logic at the time and work my way.

I already told the charge nurse charge about it but I don’t know if she had a conversation with this coworker and what was said.

The message has to be neutral and polite. What do you think of this?

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It’s tiring. You have your way of doing things, I’ve got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I’m gonna go work now.

maculata ,

In a kind but neutral manner, ask her to inspect a toilet bowl at close range and then force her head into it, until she drowns.

catloaf ,

Please tell me you’re not going to be crossposting your weird weekly questions on a new account.

That said, yeah sure talk to her about it, and then your boss if that doesn’t work.

vestmoria ,

nobody forces you to read em

AnalogyAddict ,

“Okay, thanks for your ideas. I’m good for now, though.”

BertramDitore ,
@BertramDitore@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah this is how I’d handle it, simple and to the point. As a bonus I might add “I’ll let you know if I need a hand” which takes the impetus away from her so she knows her ideas are unwanted, but stays professional and polite.

UnpluggedFridge ,

Or the variation, “Ok!” with a smile and simply carry on. I understand the urge to “fix” this person, but it is never worth the time. Smile and nod and then ignore what they said.

ouRKaoS ,

https://lemmy.today/pictrs/image/72901a83-4388-4a1d-b8b2-7e7357d27ac7.gif

TheDoozer ,

Immediately what I thought of.

You have to yell it, though, OP.

xmunk ,

I think that is likely to result in confrontation. As a general rule I’d suggest always discussing this with your manager first - if you communicate with them directly it may turn into an HR issue where your direct communication would be highly scrutinized.

My advice would be to talk candidly with your manager and express what has happened already and how you feel about it - then my suggestion, as a manager myself, is to suggest a meeting with you, her and the technical decision maker (whether that’s a manager or a tech lead) to discuss the scenario and different solutions you can take. It is extremely unlikely (and generally unhealthy for a workplace) for the final path to be entirely your idea or hers - compromise is the expected outcome here. Compromise breeds further cooperation so even if your entire solution is just outright better a good lead will make sure opinions from everyone are incorporated into the plan. You’ll end up having a brainstorming session essentially with a chaperone to make sure neither person is disregarded and should come out better for it.

I’ve been a dev (junior through senior), I’ve been an architect, and I’ve been a manager - I want to stress that the technical outcome of this decision is usually secondary to mending the team rift. I have, as an architect, conceded to a bad plan to give confidence to an intermediate developer (and made my boss aware of everything going on) and then immediately set out building a plan to fix it once the solution went live (and no, i didn’t “I told you so” or anything, I just silently built the plan and made sure we could easily pivot our implementation). Working together and building a positive team environment is extremely important.

RainfallSonata ,

As a general rule I’d suggest always discussing this with your manager first

This is the absolute worst possible advice. You’re letting all your coworkers know that you’re going to be adversarial about even the tiniest personal conflict, and that you can’t be trusted to resolve interpersonal issues like an adult.

MaxHardwood ,

What’s wrong with that? You’re there to do a job. If somebody is making it difficult to do your job then it’s your manager or HR who is responsible for dealing with the matter. If all the coworkers know you’ll be adversarial about the tiniest personal conflict, they have more motivation to avoid it and remain professional.

RainfallSonata ,

I bet you’re a pleasure to work with.

Adalast ,

www.pinterest.com/pin/794815034214740333/Perhaps something here can help.

protist ,

“I’m always open to legitimate feedback, but trying to make me do things exactly like you do is not helpful. If you see a problem with my work, please let me know how it’s a problem and what the consequence may be. If I hear you and disagree with you, you need to hear me and let it go.”

What’s tough here is you work in healthcare. Open communication and feeling comfortable calling someone out for an error are key to avoiding patient harm, so it’s probably in your best interest to maintain open lines of communication with her, even if you’re having to constantly assert boundaries

RainfallSonata ,

I would start out more conciliatory. You want a positive outcome, right?

Hey Jane,. I really appreciate that you’re invested in my professional development. Working with you has taught me a lot. But I have my own way of processing and organizing my work. Would you mind if I did things my own way going forward?

Afterward document this conversation by sending it to yourself by email. Continue to document your repeated, polite, professional requests. If necessary, bring to your boss if the situation escalates. But it’s always best to try to work things out directly with your coworkers if you can, before bringing in management. You’re going to have to keep working together regardless.

DarkNightoftheSoul ,
@DarkNightoftheSoul@mander.xyz avatar

That’s good except “Would you mind…” should be “I’m going to do things (this way, according to the needs of the situation, by the book, …) going forward.” It’s assertive instead of passive.

Boozilla ,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

“There’s no need to micromanage me. I got this, and I know what I’m doing. When you micromanage me, all you’re doing is wasting your time and mine.”

Bdtrngl ,

Is ignoring her completely an option? That’s my usual go to followed by telling them to eat a bag of dicks and fuck off, you’re not my boss.

protist ,

This is terrible advice lmao

xmunk ,

Absolutely, it’s fine to jokingly fantasize about this but it’s fucking toxic.

protist ,

For real, anyone on my staff who acts like this would be in line to be fired. Handle interpersonal conflict like a fucking adult

permit54 OP ,

could you elaborate? I can understand why somebody would try to ignore or greyrock the person, simply to protect himself, (kind of a flight reaction).

xmunk ,

It’s unhealthy for the workplace in general, people need to be able to communicate.

The right answer to cover your own ass is to ask your manager what to do.

permit54 OP ,

has this worked for you? ignoring and avoiding a coworker. I mean I could see myself doing it if I don’t care about the job or have something else lined up, but if I want or need the job, I’m having serious doubts if it would work every day.

Are you still employed where yo do/did this?

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