I need the rich and the bigoted to live in my head. I can never forget that they are the danger, the biggest threat to my safety. They aren't living rent free, as I change my behavior as much as possible to undermine them. If they weren't on my mind, I'd fall more for their lies and wouldn't be able to fight back.
It takes emotional bandwidth to carry hate, whether you think about it often or not.
It's not a question of right or wrong, or whether it's deserving or not. You're paying for it as long as you're carrying it, so I would ask if it's still worth it.
It is for everyone. It's how we work. Outside of maybe certain types of mental illness or disability. It's also very easy to feel like we can carry it without consequence, especially for younger people (I'd say mid-30's and below)
"I can hate someone without it affecting other parts of my life" is just an objectively false statement. I know there is virtually nothing a Lemmy rando can do to change your mind, but one day you'll feel the weight, I promise.
No one is special enough to be able to carry such a core human emotion without consequence.
I'm not trying to argue, but unless there is something about how you process emotions that places you in a vanishingly small percentile, you're gonna pay for it.
Hating someone your whole life is great in movies and video games, where the hater uses their drive, intelligence, resources and lack of concern about any consequences to pull off some really amazing revenge. But in the real world, I think most of us aren't willing to go to the lengths needed to properly pay our hated back to someone. So if we can't act on our hated to the level we feel they deserve, then the only person who would suffer from that hated is the person caryring it around, day after day. Of course, never forget what they did, you don't want it to happen to you again, but forgiving isn't about letting them off the hook, it's about allowing yourself to start feeling good again.
That being said, feel however you want to feel, I ain't the feelings police. But that's how I see it.
I don't suffer from carrying hate. My near boundless hate doesn't do anything for my day to day, and on the off off off chance i ever get to do anything about it it'll feel so good to indulge in.
I don't know if forgiving is the same thing as no longer dwelling on the feeling. Forgiveness to me means that I'll take no additional negative action towards them if given the opportunity.
It's actually pretty easy for me to forgive. All they need to do is admit wrongdoing and convince me they have no motivation to do it again. I'll even show kindness towards someone I haven't forgiven if I think it will prevent them from causing future harm.
I'm not a hateful person, but I've learned that some people cannot be won over with kindness alone. Those that bully the weak will require strength to oppose. As long as they feel like they're above you in the hierarchy, love alone won't work. Only when they feel on equal footing to you will they cooperate and listen.
I can let go of hate without forgiving. I've learned how to move on because I don't forgive. Not forgiving gives me security in future interactions, as I work towards being able to forgive. I've needed to master my emotions for other reasons, so I know my approach wouldn't be possible for most people.
I don't get why I'd ever go to therapy if all it's going to do is help me accept things. More people should not feel okay with how things are, if anything.
I'm just being funny. Humour is how I cope for the most part, so when life gets harder I just get funnier. So I must have a pretty easy life by that logic; The trauma never stood a chance. 😎
