Fictional alien time travellers can’t be black, insist morons ( newsthump.com )
Woke, Woke, Woke, Snowflake, Cancel Culture, Woke, insists Lee Anderson ( newsthump.com )
Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ ( newsthump.com )
Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers ( newsthump.com )
Audi and BMW in desperate battle to release most arrogant autonomous vehicle ( newsthump.com )
Why me arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users is good, but the last regime arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users was bad, by Elon Musk ( newsthump.com )
This incredible millennial bought their first home just by making a packed lunch every day for a year and buying a winning lottery ticket ( newsthump.com )
Judge offers to let Donald Trump attend his son’s High School graduation, if he can pick him out of a line-up ( newsthump.com )
Brexiter annoyed by people pointing out that thing they were told ‘would happen’ is now ‘happening’ ( newsthump.com )
‘You can’t say anything these days’ insists man saying exactly what he thinks, every single day ( newsthump.com )
Perfectly good slice of bread utterly ruined by Marmite ( newsthump.com )
Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have ‘Easter’ written on the box didn’t go to church again this year ( newsthump.com )
Man who enjoys saying ‘if you don’t like it, leave!’ furious when migrants take that exact advice to come here ( newsthump.com )
“Growing up in poverty never did me any harm” insists man psychologically compelled to wish similar financial hardship on others ( newsthump.com )
Man screaming “Go Woke Go Broke!” at Nike seemingly unaware he is a penniless bigot ( newsthump.com )
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TikTok saves itself from US ban by launching a range of semi-automatic assault rifles ( newsthump.com )
Saying racist things not racist, insist racists ( newsthump.com )
We must stop the small boats so we can take care of our own first, insists man furious that taxpayer money is being used to feed hungry schoolchildren ( newsthump.com )
The small boats migrant crisis must be stopped immediately, so we can focus on helping our own people first, according to a man who lost his mind when he found out Sadiq Khan wanted to feed hungry school children at the taxpayer’s expense.